Hello and welcome back!
I haven’t been writing for ages. Moving to a new apartment, having Fraser visiting me and writing my thesis (according to Fraser it’s not a thesis but a marketing plan, but just to clarify it’s the last assignment of my degree) have made me super busy. I’ve been quite productive this weekend and I really hope that the good vibe will carry on to next week as well. But when you realise that you’re running out of time, you suddenly find the motivation to do the work, am I right?
I have been in a really weird situation for a while now. For a few weeks ago I heard that the UK government is planning to raise the university fees for EU students to the same level as international students. That means that when I originally was ready to pay £10 000, now I would have to pay between £20 000 – £30 000 for my masters, which naturally is at least twice as much as I was originally ready to pay. So now the question has been raised- is it really worth it? But after asking myself that question I’ve also had to make new plans for the future. Since I may not be starting my masters in the UK in a year, I honestly have no idea what I’m going to do. And that feels terrifying.
I’m that person who likes to plan things properly just to make sure that everything works. I usually even plan and think in my head all the possible failures and obstacles. But I did not see this coming, and I didn’t have a plan B. We’ve been thinking that doing masters in Finland would be free, but it’s not guaranteed that I’ll get in, and I can’t put all the eggs in one basket again. So while working full time and writing my thesis, I’m also planning the future, worrying when I will be able to visit the UK again (if my manager at work allows me to go there) and how much my grade from the thesis will affect about everything. So yes, I would say I’m under pressure.
But why I wanted to do my masters in the UK in the first place? Isn’t Finland enough? No, I don’t think it is. I’m planning to live and work in the UK one day, and I feel like if I want to be able to get a job, I need to have a degree from there. I believe that it gives proof that I’m able to work in English. The other thing is that I just genuinely love that county. It is so full of character that Finland is occasionally lacking. Even I do think that it’s like winning in a lottery when you get born in Finland (the quality of the lifestyle etc.), the overall mood of Finnish people (in general, I obviously love all my friends and family at home more than anything) is very blunt. So even things may be better in here and the country uses the taxpayers’ money to the right cause (building libraries) I need the energy and character to my life that the UK has. I feel more like myself and more alive in there, and my overall mood is always better. I think I have two places I could easily consider as home. Every time I step out of the plane and take the first steps in there, I get this very warm feeling of fulfilment. Even rainy days feel very cosy in there, whereas in Finland it’s just miserable. I do always consider Finland as my home and it’s an amazing country, but I feel that the UK is more suitable for me at the moment. But this is only my opinion.
I’ve had a lot of time to think. It has made me realise that I’ve changed more than ever during these last two years. I’m not interested in the same things anymore, family and friends mean more to me and I’m overall a much more adult than before. Which obviously makes me question what is it that I really want from life? This year has been very consuming and heartbreaking for many people. I was among them who lost their job because of the pandemic, but unlike many, I was lucky to find a new one quite soon. Some may think that it’s really hard to see any positive things this year, but I feel that the exceptional circumstances have shown what people are really like. And I have seen and heard people do amazing things. My boyfriend among them- whom I’m so grateful, proud of and I love deeply. Those things are what make me believe in opportunities and to the fact that there will always be sun after a storm. And when you feel like you’re slightly lost that is a very encouraging thought.
This blog post wasn’t supposed to be a deep one, I was planning to tell what’s happening in my life at the moment and what plans I have for the future. But I guess I had so many thoughts in my head that I just wrote them all down. It’s raining at the moment and the rain usually makes me very thoughtful. Let’s blame for the rain. I also took some photos of my day: I’m currently trying to grow some lettuce and basil on my balcony- we’ll see how it goes. I think I’ll leave this here, for now, I really need to go and do more of my marketing plan aka thesis so I’ll graduate hopefully someday. But I really hope that everyone is still safe and healthy and have managed to keep themselves sane during these past months. This text might feel like I don’t know what I’m doing, but I do have plans that I’m too afraid to speak out loud to anyone yet- but they’re quite good, I just need to get used to the idea of change. It’s inevitable after all.
I hope your next week is going to be amazing- don’t forget to take time for yourself.
I’ll speak to you soon!
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